resolutions, schmesolutions

I'm not really one for making New Year's resolutions. It seems that any time I've done so, they've fallen by the wayside by the end of January.

In fact, the whole concept of January being the beginning of the new year is kind of nebulous to me. What do you mean, this is a new year? My new year started in August. In fact, for as long as I can remember, it's always started in the fall. I guess a billion years of school will do that to you. My new year begins with the beginning of a new school year--and even that gets divided a bit, when you consider that my school year is divided into two distinct parts: first and second semester. Second semester doesn't even begin till the end of January.

So, you see what I'm getting at? A resolution beginning in January is arbitrary at best in the context of my life.

However, as it happens to be vacation time, I find myself doing more reflecting than I have time to do usually. And when I reflect, I find I'm not as happy as I could be.

I suck at time management. News flash. I can waste a day better than most people, I'm convinced. When I'm on a break, I complain that, because I have nothing "scheduled," I have a hard time getting anything done. I convince myself that when the break is over, I'll have more structure and therefore be more productive. But then, when I'm working, I jealously guard any free moment and decide that I "deserve" to be able to veg out and watch the same episode of NCIS on USA that I've seen approximately 20 times before. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm sad.

I'm lazy.

That's really what it comes down to. And then I look at others who aren't as lazy as I and I lament. Oh, if only I had the time to...

Wait, wait, wait. Do these others I speak of live in a magical world where the day is 25, 26, 27 hours long? Do they have the inhuman ability to survive on 45 minutes of sleep a day? No. They are limited by many of the same constraints I am, yet they are still able to accomplish the things I cannot seem to.

They're better at managing the 24 hours each day provides.

I'm a big fan of taking responsibility for things. If I make a delicious meal, I want the props for it. By the same token, if I get my car repossessed because I "keep forgetting" to make the payments, that's my responsibility too.

The piece of advice my dad always gave me is that "only you can make you happy." What will make me happy? Having Becoming written, edited, and published. Writing and publishing the next two books I've got planned before the end of the school year. Having another two or three done before the end of 2013. Well, guess what? Only I can make it happen. I can't hope enough, complain enough, dream enough. When the rubber hits the road, the fact remains that I actually have to do it.

So, I'm making a commitment. Every week, I will write at least 5000 words. I will not try to write 5000 words. I will actually do it. If that means I have to turn off the TV, good. If that means I have to stay up past my 9:30 bedtime (don't judge), so be it.

If I write five days a week, it's 1000 words a day. If I write every day, it's about 715 words.

Yesterday, I got up to 198. Not quite 715, but more than zero. I'll take that.

So far today, I'm at 1259.

I'll be posting on my FB page every day how many words I actually put out. If it's zero, I'll post that, too.

I hope that if it's zero for more than a day, someone'll call me out. But, really, I shouldn't rely on that, because only I can make me happy.

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